The Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Can a Sentence Really Make a Difference?

The Serenity Prayer is one of my favorite scripted prayers because it contains four essential truths that are relevant to the flourishing of our minds. But can a single sentence really do much for your mental health? Absolutely! I’m convinced that the brevity of the Prayer is one of its virtues. Why do many therapists use acronyms and adages in treatment (e.g., DEAR MAN, “the dread is worse than the do”)? Because they are memorable and a tool’s being memorable is critical for its application.

How can the Serenity Prayer help our minds to flourish? Let’s unpack its contents and see.

God, grant me…

The Prayer starts by asking for something from God, an acknowledgment that we are limited and needy, but also an acknowledgment that there is a good, wise, and powerful person who cares for us and wants to provide.

Admitting that we need help isn’t false piety, but a reflection of our reality—every one of us has emotional struggles. It’s a universal human experience. In confessing our neediness, we find freedom from the tiresome act of pretending (whether to ourselves or others) that everything is okay. You don’t have to hide your problems and flaws but can bring them to God who graciously helps those who seek him.

Essential truth #1: You are imperfect but God provides

The serenity to accept the things I cannot change…

In life, we sometimes find ourselves in situations we have no control over—losing a loved one, being laid off from a job, becoming ill, remembering mistakes from our past, dealing with difficult people, and other hardships. Perhaps we were partially responsible for bringing about some of these situations but have little control over them now. When faced with these frustrations, we could fight and struggle; we can get mad and upset, and perhaps blame others. But in struggling, we’re just adding to an already difficult situation. So how do we move forward? We accept the reality of our situation and say, “It is what it is.”

What Acceptance Is

Acceptance means fully acknowledging the reality of a situation without resistance or denial. It involves recognizing facts and circumstances as they are, even if they are painful or difficult. By accepting reality, you reduce the additional suffering that comes from fighting against what is.

What Acceptance Is Not

Acceptance does not mean that you approve of or endorse the situation. It is possible to accept something while still recognizing that it is undesirable or painful. Neither does acceptance imply inaction. Instead, it often involves taking appropriate actions that are aligned with reality and that can lead to positive changes. Finally, acceptance doesn’t mean that you won’t ever feel emotions about the situation. You can accept a situation and still feel sadness, anger, or regret. The key is to experience these emotions without letting them drive you to unhelpful thoughts or actions.

Essential truth #2: Make peace with what you can’t change

The courage to change the things I can…

Not all of our problems are out of our control of course, and it is these issues that we should courageously confront to improve the quality of our lives. Courage involves recognizing the areas where we have control and taking proactive steps to effect change. It's about facing fears, stepping out of comfort zones, and shifting from passivity to activity.

One thing that fear does is paralyze us. It keeps us “stuck,” preventing us from making the changes necessary for growth. This paralysis can manifest in various ways, such as avoiding difficult conversations, postponing important decisions, running from troublesome emotions, or self-soothing in unhelpful ways. When we allow fear to dominate, we miss opportunities to better our circumstances and build resilience.

By acknowledging our fears and choosing to act despite them, we can break free from this stagnation. This may involve setting small goals to build confidence, seeking support from others, and gradually exposing ourselves to the situations we fear. Each step taken in the face of fear grows our character and improves our ability to handle future challenges. And if you think you can’t be courageous because your fear is too great, remember, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but the determination to move forward despite it.”

Essential truth #3: Embrace power to change what you can

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Part of being wise is discerning between what can and cannot be changed. It requires an understanding of what is your responsibility and what isn’t. Many times we try to control the things that aren’t ours to control and other times we feel resigned to accept what we could change. How do you know the difference? There are no hard and fast rules (hence why it requires wisdom). But time is a good judge—if we’ve dealt with the same issue for years then maybe it’s something to stop fighting and accept. Another judge is if something belongs to us or another person (as the image below shows).

However, at the end of the day, it is you who must decide whether a problem in your life is one to accept or one to change.

Essential truth #4: Gain perspective on when to change and when to accept

Applying the Serenity Prayer

We’ve seen four essential truths from the Serenity Prayer—1) You are imperfect, but God provides, 2) Make peace with what you can’t change, 3) Embrace power to change what you can, and 4) Gain perspective on when to change and when to accept. Consider the following questions about applying the lessons from the Serenity Prayer to your life.

What aspects of my current situation are beyond my control?
Are there any judgments or negative thoughts I need to let go of to fully accept reality?
How can I adjust my perspective or approach to better cope with situations I cannot change?
What specific changes can I make to improve my situation?
What fears or apprehensions are holding me back from taking action?
Who can I reach out to for support or guidance in making these changes?
Which friends and family members of mine need to hear the Serenity Prayer?

The Serenity Prayer—How a single sentence brings peace, power, and perspective