Struggling with anger? Remember P.E.A.C.E.
Anger is a natural emotion, but when it gets out of control, it can cause problems in our relationships, work, and even physical health. Managing anger effectively is crucial, which is why we made the P.E.A.C.E. tool. P.E.A.C.E. encapsulates several powerful strategies designed to help you maintain calm and manage anger more effectively. Let’s dive into P.E.A.C.E. and see how you can apply it in your daily life.
P - Plan for Calm
The first step in managing anger is to plan for calm by deciding ahead of time how you want to react in situations that trigger anger. Make a conscious choice to speak softly, negotiate, and be respectful, even when you feel provoked. Anger often arises when we feel threatened, disrespected, or frustrated, leading to defensive or aggressive reactions that can escalate conflicts and result in negative outcomes. By setting the intention to remain composed, you’re more likely to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.
“Plan for Calm” in Action
Imagine you're a manager at work, and you've got a meeting with a team member who frequently misses deadlines. You know this discussion could be heated. Before the meeting, you decide to approach the conversation calmly. You plan to speak softly and listen actively to understand the reasons behind the missed deadlines. By doing this, you create a more constructive environment for problem-solving rather than escalating into conflict.
E - Engage in Self-Care
Self-care is the practice of taking an active role in protecting your well-being and happiness, particularly during periods of stress. It encompasses a variety of activities that can improve your physical, emotional, and mental health, such as regular exercise, prayer/meditation, adequate sleep, and healthy eating. By incorporating self-care into your routine, you increase your window of stress tolerance and create a foundation of stability that makes it easier to manage anger. When you feel good physically and emotionally, you're better equipped to handle anger.
“Engage in Self-Care” in Action
Consider a busy parent juggling work and family responsibilities. They find themselves frequently getting frustrated with their children over minor issues. By incorporating self-care into their routine, such as taking some time each day to read or go for a jog, they can reduce overall stress levels. This makes it easier to handle parenting challenges with patience and calmness.
A - Assume the Best
One common trigger for anger is assuming others have negative intentions (“assuming the worst”). Our assumptions about others' intentions can significantly influence our emotional responses, often leading to defensive or aggressive reactions that escalate conflicts and create barriers to understanding. Instead of jumping to conclusions, try to see things from the other person's perspective and assume they have positive intentions, even if their actions seem frustrating (“assuming the best”). By consciously choosing to assume positive intentions, you open the door to empathy and cooperation, which can defuse anger and promote healthier interactions.
“Assume the Best” in Action
You're driving home from work, and another driver cuts you off in traffic. Your immediate reaction might be anger, thinking the other driver is rude or reckless. However, by assuming positive intentions, you consider that they might be in a hurry due to an emergency. This perspective helps reduce your anger and allows you to stay calm. Even if this assumption is incorrect (maybe that driver was being inconsiderate), you still feel better for having assumed it.
C - Cancel Angry Thoughts/Images
Angry thoughts and images can be incredibly powerful, often intensifying feelings of anger and making it difficult to think clearly. Because they tend to “stick” in our minds, these angry mental movies (ones where we replay an anger-inducing scene or think of actions that we might do in anger) often lead to prolonged agitation. To manage this, consciously work on extinguishing these angry images by turning your attention back to the present moment or distracting yourself.
“Cancel Angry Thoughts/Images” in Action
You had an argument with your spouse, and you keep replaying the argument in your mind, which only makes you angrier. To clear these angry thoughts, you decide to focus on positive memories with your spouse and remind yourself of their good qualities. This shift helps you calm down and approach the situation with a more balanced perspective.
E - Exit if Needed
When we're in the heat of the moment, anger can cloud our judgment and lead to impulsive reactions we may later regret. Stepping away from the situation provides a crucial pause, allowing our physiological and emotional responses to settle. This break helps diffuse immediate tension, prevents things from escalating, and provides the mental space needed to approach the issue with greater clarity and reason.
“Exit if Needed” in Action
During a heated discussion with a coworker, you feel your anger rising to the point where you might say or do something hurtful. Recognizing this, you tell your coworker you need a short break and step outside for a walk. This time away helps you cool down and gather your thoughts, allowing you to return to the conversation with a calmer, more constructive approach.
Conclusion
By incorporating P.E.A.C.E. into your daily life, you can develop healthier and more effective ways to manage anger. Remember, managing anger is a skill that takes practice and commitment, but the rewards of improved relationships, better health, and a more peaceful life are well worth the effort.
